There are moments in life when we're called to show up - birthdays, holidays, family gatherings - even when the people we are showing up for are challenging to be around. Maybe it's a strained relationship with a parent or persistent tension with an in-law. Whatever the case, walking into emotionally charged environments without a plan can often lead to frustration, hurt, and regret.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
The key is intentionality. When we enter these situations with a thoughtful plan and a commitment to align our actions with the fruit of the Spirit, we can protect our peace, show love without compromising our boundaries, and walk away with our integrity intact.
Step 1: Identify the Purpose of the Visit
Before you go, clarify why you're going. What's the purpose of the interaction?
Example: The occasion is Mother’s Day, and the purpose is to honor your mother or mother-in-law.
Keeping this "why" in mind becomes your anchor when things get tense.
Step 2: Build a Spirit-Led Plan
Let’s create a plan rooted in biblical wisdom and emotional maturity. Incorporate elements of the fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Here’s what a plan might look like:
Intentional Focus: I will make this the best possible Mother's Day. (Fruit: Love, Joy)
Avoiding Triggers: I will not intentionally bring up topics that will upset those attending. (Fruit: Peace, Self-Control)
Refusing to Engage in Drama: When conflict arises, I will not participate. (Fruit: Gentleness, Self-Control)
Defusing Tension: I will either walk away or gently change the subject when tension starts. (Fruit: Patience, Kindness)
Setting Boundaries: I will leave as soon as it is appropriate. (Fruit: Peace, Faithfulness to my own well-being)
Choosing the Fruit
It’s important to remember: the fruit of the Spirit doesn’t just happen to us—they are choices we make in partnership with God. In every hard conversation, every passive-aggressive comment, and every silent stare, we have a choice: react out of our wounds or respond out of our Spirit-led identity.
Love says, "I will show honor even if I don’t feel it's deserved."
Joy says, "My peace isn't dictated by this environment."
Peace says, "I will not add fuel to the fire."
Patience says, "I don't have to react right away."
Kindness says, "I will not meet harshness with harshness."
Goodness says, "I will act in a way I’ll be proud of later."
Faithfulness says, "I will be true to who I am in Christ."
Gentleness says, "I will not let this situation harden me."
Self-Control says, "I will choose my words and actions intentionally."
Final Thought
Difficult relationships won’t be transformed in a day. But with a plan and a heart aligned with the Spirit, you can show up in a way that brings peace to your soul, even if peace doesn’t surround you.
Let every visit, every gathering, every tough conversation be an opportunity to live out your faith—not by controlling others, but by honoring the Spirit's work in you.