I was recently asked if it was just that easy to just forgive yourself from years of failure. Self-forgiveness is one of the hardest things to walk through. It’s not just about releasing what you’ve done—it’s about confronting who you’ve believed yourself to be.
For years, I lived in a pattern of broken relationships. My first marriage, close friendships, my relationship with my children, even my workplace—they were all strained or fractured. I felt like a failure in every direction.
That failure became an expectation. I started assuming relationships would fall apart. As a result, I became guarded, distant, and mistrustful. I didn’t let people in, and they didn’t feel seen, known, heard, or understood. Some left. Some stayed, but with deep resentment. And each experience only reinforced the same painful belief: I am a failure.
It became a vicious cycle.
Eventually, I stopped and asked a hard but necessary question: Why am I the way I am?
The answer didn’t excuse my actions, but it gave me insight: I feared rejection. I tried so hard to protect myself from pain that I wasn’t showing up well in my relationships. Fear, shame, self-hatred, and self-doubt stood between me and everyone else. I had partnered with these chains for so long, I didn’t know who I was without them. But they weren’t keeping me safe—they were keeping me stuck.
How could I run my race well with chains wrapped around my soul?
That was the turning point.
I began to see how my inner agreements—fear, shame, distrust, fierce independence—were sabotaging my life. And that realization opened the door to self-forgiveness. Not because I needed to justify what I’d done, but because I finally understood why I had done it.
Self-forgiveness began with grace. I gave myself permission to acknowledge both my responsibility and my disadvantage. I admitted the damage I caused, and I repented—for my actions and for the lies I believed that led me there.
Yes, we are fully responsible for our words and actions. When we hurt others, we must seek their forgiveness and do what we can to make it right. But once you’ve done that, whether or not someone forgives you is no longer yours to carry. Their response is their responsibility. You are still free to forgive yourself.
Self-forgiveness means seeing what you did—and why—not to excuse it, but to understand it. It means repenting not just for the behavior but for the fear and false beliefs that fueled it. It means releasing the lie that you must punish yourself forever to prove your regret. It means believing that God is not too disappointed in you to care.
If He were, He wouldn’t have sent Jesus to redeem you.
Scripture says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are chosen. You are made in the image of God.
God didn’t make a mistake when He made you.
He wants to take your mess and turn it into your message. I’ve seen Him do it for me. And He can do it for you.
One day, I asked the Lord to show me what it looked like to move on from my past. I saw myself standing at the starting line of a race. Before the gun went off, I took off the chains I had always worn. I felt tempted to go back and put them on out of guilt or habit, but I left them there.
I began to run.
It was awkward at first. I didn’t know how to move freely. But I kept going. I listened to the voices of truth around me—the coaches on the sidelines. I ran alongside others who had learned to run without chains. I faced temptations to pick up old chains again, but my fellow runners helped me stay free.
Eventually, I began to enjoy the journey. I started to believe I was a runner—not a fraud. And then I began helping others take off their chains, too.
That is the journey of self-forgiveness.
You can’t change the past. But you can self-correct in the present and step into a different future. A freer one. A healed one.
If this message resonates with you, take one small step today:
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You were never meant to run with chains. We’re here to help you run your race well.