Few biblical figures express their true inner conflict as authentically as the Apostle Paul. Beneath his bold preaching and unwavering faith, Paul battled deep feelings of unworthiness and self-hatred over his past.
Before encountering Christ, he had persecuted believers, standing by as Stephen was stoned (Acts 7:58–8:3). That history tormented him. Even years into ministry, Paul confessed, “I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God” (1 Corinthians 15:9).
In Romans 7:19, Paul exposes the war within: “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” His words reveal the anguish of a man who despised his own weaknesses. He even cried, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?” (Romans 7:24). Here we see not arrogance, but raw self-disgust — the painful awareness of his human frailty.
Yet, Paul’s story doesn’t end in self-hatred. The very next verse shifts everything: “Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:25). Paul’s despair became the doorway to grace. He discovered that his worth was no longer anchored in striving but in Christ’s mercy.
Paul’s journey teaches us that self-hatred can turn to healing when we accept that God’s love is greater than our guilt — and that even the “chief of sinners” (1 Timothy 1:15) can become a vessel of grace.
Download the FEARLESS devotional for FREE at JourneyU.org or click here.